Joseph Heller ...

Do you ever get the feeling that fate is having some fun with you? Let’s recap: I should have been in a room with a roommate and no bathroom. By sheer luck of the draw in who I met along the way, I was blessed with a single-man wet room. This of course comes with no hot water, thus defeating the purpose of having the bathroom in the first place. I’ll move on to yesterday: Kenny finally approaches me and says, “Hey, lets go get my stuff so you can have it for your room.” The most important item I purchased from a rapidly departing Kenny was a TV. The rest of the items are nice, but I can live without them. I place this beautiful Haji TV in my now well furnished room only to discover: There’s no TV signal, thus defeating the purpose of having a TV. Apparently, the perfect signal we received from on top of … get this … Signal Hill, wasn’t perfect enough for the viewing audience. This resulted in the powers-that-be deciding to move the satellite dish several miles south to … you guessed it … Signal Hill (We know them as Signal Hill on Liberty and Signal Hill on Slayer). Unfortunately, these powers-that-be are better at making random decisions than actually performing the tasks. Apparently, there have been some unexpected delays in moving the dish … like no one had actually planned the move, and they were leaving it up to Haji maintenance to accomplish this task. The next kicker is: all of the dishes around Victory/Liberty/BIAP/Slayer/ Striker/Brooklyn were pointed towards Signal Hill to get the TV feed. Well, all of the dishes are now pointed at the wrong Signal Hill, and the process for moving them is like a scene out of the Beverly Hillbillies. Just today, I saw a man standing on top of a T-wall (big cement wall) turning a dish and yelling in Arabic to a man in a trailer watching a TV. Now, I don’t speak Arabic, but I think the conversation went something like this: “Can you see anything?” “Nope” “Damn” ~tweak, tweak~ “How about now?” “Nope” “Damn” and so on. At this rate, I’ll get a signal sometime as I’m packing up to re-deploy to the states. I know it seems trivial, but the ability to turn on the news, or a hockey game, or anything other than static, is one of those things that keeps us a bit closer to home. Most of the troops over here do not have regular access to the internet, so the little TV they watch is their only taste of home … that and cookies. The Armed Forces Network does an excellent job of broadcasting reruns of most of the shows that caused the WB to go out of business. That and they show obscure sporting events paired up with movies that should have gone direct to VHS (Notice I’m not saying DVD … most of them we pre-DVD era movies).

Oh well, I am very happy to have all of Kenny’s stuff. I now have wall to wall carpet (It’s really like some sort of strange macabre of color – a patchwork of sorts). It’s not perfect, but it keeps the dust down and my feet don’t get dirty on the way to the bathroom. I also have a small dorm-room fridge that is stocked with stolen Diet-Coke and water (I miss the old days when fridges of this size were used for beer). I have a shelving unit that is on it’s last legs. And finally, I have a large leather chair that used to belong to a General (Every so often over here, they make units (such as mine) move – It’s easier to buy new stuff than to move the old, so … let the thievery begin). My room looks like some sort of college dorm nightmare, but it’s mine and I have the necessary amenities to keep me sane for a few months (that is, if they get the TV fixed).
With no televised entertainment, I’ve taken to reading books over here (perish the thought). Folks around the states are nice enough to send us old paperbacks that they were going to throw away. Sometimes we get some strange stuff in the boxes, though. Looking through a box of books while at FOB Warhorse, I came across a manual for a GE Toaster Oven. I was pretty bored at the time, so I gave it a look. I might still have it if any of you need a good read.

I’ve also spent a bunch of time figuring out how to communicate with home more effectively. When I say that, I’m not talking psycho-analyst mumbo-jumbo. I just mean that getting a quality signal home can be tough at times … and expensive. I think, however, I’ve found the answer. I’ve been an AOL user for years and love the ‘intranet’ that AOL offers, but their video-chat leaves something to be desired. After talking with some of the folks here, I found that the wave of the future is Skype (www.skype.com). It’s one of those services that allow you to use your computer like a phone (VOIP) or use their video-chat feature. The best part is – it’s free! The download is about 20 MB (Which meant Karen did it at home in under a minute … mine took all night), and if both parties are Skype users, the calls are free (from computer to computer). Apparently, they have a lot of other options that allow you to call from your phone to regular phones, but that’s where the cost comes in. So, loyal readers (mom), if you want to video chat with the author, get a webcam and get Skype. Thus ends the paid commercial message. I’m going to try to call (Skype) the wife now, so I have to be going. Until tomorrow.

-Grease out.